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Zeno Blanc (Finished)

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1Zeno Blanc (Finished) Empty Zeno Blanc (Finished) Thu Mar 30, 2017 7:59 pm

TheArc

TheArc
Zeno Blanc (Finished) Jd9I1su

Name: Zeno Blanc

Age: 17

Birthday: may 10

Gender: Male

Race: Fox Faunus

Height: 6' 1"

Weight: 209 lbs

Face Claim: A OC

Stats
STR: 4
DEF: 3
RES: 2
SPT: 3
Aura 130|170 HP

Personality
Major: Academic

Likes: music, weapons, saving people

Dislikes: Grimm, the white fang, bullies

Fears: fire, people close to him dying, not being loved

Talent: Stamina

Weakness: Stealth

Overall Personality:  Zeno is Kindhearted person who will try to help those in need, when he is around girls he becomes flirty, when it comes to school work he is hard-working, he can be blunt when someone is crying over something, he is usually quiet and only saying one word when he meets people for the first time but after a while he starts talking to said person, he is very lazy when he doesn't have a good nights sleep. If he sees someone crying he will try to make them feel better even if he is having a bad day, He is a cheerful faunus who wants to make people happy, When he is on a bad day he becomes a grump and will tell people to leave him alone

Skillful at: Musician
Lacking skills in: Tactician

Abilities
Aura type: speed
Aura Color: very light blue
Semblance: Sprint Buffs SPT(+2) he wraps his aura around the dust he uses and he is capable of amplifying it's effects
Item 1: a Kama nicknamed Sokudo, it is white, black, and red, and it can't transform
Item 2: A blue jacket that acts like chest and back armor, and it buffs DEF(+2)
History and Sample

History:
RP Sample:



Last edited by TheArc on Sun Apr 02, 2017 2:02 pm; edited 12 times in total

2Zeno Blanc (Finished) Empty Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) Sat Apr 01, 2017 12:55 pm

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
Hey welcome to the site, this is a good app but there are a few problems. First is that you are only supposed to have 12 stat points, you have 14 in your current total stats. You also have exceeded the 300 combined total max hp/aura split. In regards to your semblance you wouldn't have the negative and also you do need to explain how you buff your dust usage, be it wrapping your aura around the dust to amplify it or something else.

You have also not met the required wordcounts for your rp sample or history and you cannot have negatives attached to your equipment. It would only increase your physical defense based on your rank. Bump when done.

3Zeno Blanc (Finished) Empty Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:40 am

TheArc

TheArc
I believe I've finished, so bump.

4Zeno Blanc (Finished) Empty Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) Sun Apr 02, 2017 8:13 am

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
Almost ^^ Your initial hp/aura split must be a factor of ten, ending in a zero, not one of five. I've just noticed this, but do bare in mind Syne is a college or university type establishment so really the minimum age of entry is 17 for a human or faunus. Also, in your semblance, wouldn't you be wrapping your aura around the dust rather than the other way around? Also, just to note in your rp sample, you wouldn't be able to heal yourself like this in an actual thread. You'd require a healing semblance for that.

Anyway, bump when done ^^

5Zeno Blanc (Finished) Empty Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) Sun Apr 02, 2017 10:13 am

TheArc

TheArc
I believe it is finally finished. If not what else do I need to fix

6Zeno Blanc (Finished) Empty Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) Sun Apr 02, 2017 10:32 am

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
You removed the explanation you needed for the semblance, you just had two words backwards. You didn't need to delete it all o.o also you're ten less than the required 300 hp/aura total. Bump when done

7Zeno Blanc (Finished) Empty Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) Sun Apr 02, 2017 11:17 am

TheArc

TheArc
Let me know if I need anything else to change, if not then I'm finished.

8Zeno Blanc (Finished) Empty Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:18 pm

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
Alright, now it seems as if you've got two semblances? One that you've explained in your aura colour and one which you've explained in your semblance. If you do want the spt buff just put the likes of "By wrapping his aura around the dust he uses he is capable of amplifying it's effects." in the semblance part rather than the aura color part. Replacing the speed thing. If not then you need to get rid of it, and bare in mind a simple speed increase semblance (While allowing you to rush in a direction to get there faster) you will still be visable, as fast as you are moving

9Zeno Blanc (Finished) Empty Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) Mon Apr 03, 2017 2:51 pm

TheArc

TheArc
I this okay?

10Zeno Blanc (Finished) Empty Re: Zeno Blanc (Finished) Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:03 pm

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
Yep ^^ Approved

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