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Yuui Otaka

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1Yuui Otaka Empty Yuui Otaka Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:54 am

Yuui_Otaka

Yuui_Otaka
Yuui Otaka Charac10

Name: Yuui Otaka
Age: 18
Birthday: 11 of Jun in 1666
Gender: Female
Race: Faunus (she has wings)
Height: 7' / 213cm
Weight: 100 kg
Face Claim: Yuui Otaka (Rinmarugames in the Anime character generator)

Stats
STR: 5 (Brawn)
DEF: 5 (Defence)
RES: 1 (Resistance)
SPT: 1 (Spirit)
Aura 150|150 HP

Personality
Major:Undecided
Likes: Cat faunus, Quiet places, Reading
Dislikes: mean Humans, Bullys, Losing a fight
Fears: Friends being killed, The end of the world, Being a slave
Talent: Stealth
Weakness: Social Interaction/Speech/Charisma
Overall Personality: Her Goal is Knowledge (She seeks to know all the secrets of the universe.) She doesnt like to let others know how she feels, or cares how they do.
She is serious almost all the time or doesnt participate in humor.
She faces every situation with a calm and collected manner.
She Apologizes Excessively ("Im really sorry we had to hit you with our swords, Mr. Kobold, sir.") She also has Amnesia ("I dont know where i came from...")
She Doesn`t trust humans easily and trys to stay in the background.
She often uses her wings to warp her body up when she wants to be alone.

Abilities
Aura type: Resistance
Aura Color: Black
Semblance: Buff: STR +2 (the buff is used on her wings, it makes her wings bigger so she can actually fly.)
Item 1: A Black dagger. The Dagger is Black with a few white stripes on the handle. The blade is really sharp and is realy resistand to damage so it cant break. A red small line is shown on both sides of the blade, from the tip down to the handle.
Item 2: She has a energy field that is on her skin. It is used on her whole body. Kinda like a second skin to be honest. It has a black glow and is usfull when hiding in the darkness. Its a extra on the Defence. (Defence: 1 x 10)

Here a little something that isnt from the template but something that will help to understand my character.
Yuui Otaka (A personal character info):

Voice of Yuui Otaka:

History:

RP Sample:



Last edited by Yuui_Otaka on Mon Aug 07, 2017 1:29 pm; edited 9 times in total

http://vampiregod.jimdo.com/

2Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Mon Jul 31, 2017 1:35 pm

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
Hey, welcome to the site! I think you maybe need to go over the rules and template once or twice more, a lot of stuff here you've got fine but there are a few missteps! First, when it comes to the FC, you would put that it was self made with a generator not just your name ^^ Second, when it comes to the actual rwby cast, characters with direct ties to main characters aren't allowed (as you've put likes Blake Beladona and cardin but no history I kinda had to assume you intended this?) You also have listed the "Skillful at, bad at" twice in your application. You also only get one weapon form to start and need to specify armour type on your shield.

As well as that you do need to include the history and rp sample shown in the template and all must meet the wordcount, current personality does not. YOu've got a bit of a climb but I think you can do it ^^ Bump when done

3Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Tue Aug 01, 2017 10:44 am

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
Alright ^^ You've taken some steps forward but there are still quite a few more to take. You do need to make 300 words on the history, your rp sample should be 150 words. Written in the past tense, third person. While energy fields are fine for armour, that is not how it would work. Refresh yourself on the rules here ( http://www.rwbyrpg.com/t5-weapon-and-dust-rules ) it's just extra defence on physical or dust side; which you still must specify. Also you only have 12 stat points to spread, not the 17 you have listed, and it's 300 split between aura and hp in multiples of 10. Not 500.

4Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Tue Aug 01, 2017 12:24 pm

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
Okay ^^ You're getting closer but there are a couple of things. First, despite what you said, you still haven't quite broken the 300 mark. Not to mention that the contents of it has a couple of problems? As far as we are aware grimm don't function on the same level as other animals, it's not just a bigger or stronger version of a bear, they are inherently drawn to negative emotion and only attack humans/faunus. (There are no instances of them attacking animals without provocation, only territorial disputes and when coupled with humans as Zwei was, but this is not the case with human and faunus) It's even debatable if they do consume in the same way humanoid species, or even other animals, on remnant do or feed off negative emotions or have a sole humanoid diet?

Being part of the White Fang is fine, being an orphan is of course fine and killing is to (Though like... you need to specify how it went at court or if the murder was even solved and tracked to you or the like, it'd be hard to get into a hunting school with a criminal record after all!) but do explain how a child did succeed in taking down fully grown hunters, whether it be their tiredness or sickness the like (Assuming you keep that in having removed the grimm stuff) Also, in your RP sample you make it out as though you would be RPing on Beacon, when Bellmuse (the island this whole site takes place on) is removed from the mainland. Not to mention it goes against the likes of face to face interactions with canon characters mentioned here http://www.rwbyrpg.com/t3-character-rules This isn't a problem as RP samples aren't part of the site, but just thought I'd make it clear ^^

There's also still a problem with your armour, it would be tier x 10 not 5 x 10. It starts at tier one, this 1 x 10 ^^ Bump when done

5Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Thu Aug 03, 2017 9:31 am

Yuui_Otaka

Yuui_Otaka
Bump bump bump owo Laughing

http://vampiregod.jimdo.com/

6Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Thu Aug 03, 2017 10:07 am

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
You still have them inexplicably feeding her despite now having reason to. What I would recommend for the angle you've aimed would be, difficult and inexplicable as it would be, rather than being "raised by grimm" your character hid around, maybe through the use of treetops, a highly grimm infested area thus giving her that divide from people. Maybe finding them interesting to watch, but whether you feel a negative emotion or not if a grimm sees a human and can reach a human a grimm will attack a human/faunus. That is the key problem. Also, now realising I should probably make it clear, just because your faunus trait is wings does not grant you free flight, if you wanted that you'd need to power your wings through your semblance.

7Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Thu Aug 03, 2017 10:28 am

Yuui_Otaka

Yuui_Otaka
ok i did the treetop thing but i cant think of something that, if i used my semblance, she can fly. I think i need a little bit of help on that one. Oh and i kinda find it mean that she has wings but cant fly without the proper "Power ups" Confused

http://vampiregod.jimdo.com/

8Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Thu Aug 03, 2017 10:36 am

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
I mean, that would be something as simple as "Enhancing the muscle mass in the wings" in order to make them capable of attaining flight. Or "Coating them in aura to make them more aerodynamic." With certain ways of describing it you could have it be an str buff as well, such as that explained enhancing muscle mass.

Do note, having wings doesn't mean you have to take flight. Just that you would be grounded with no way of using them for flight

9Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Thu Aug 03, 2017 10:52 am

Yuui_Otaka

Yuui_Otaka
is that ok or do i need to make it different. I kinda got confused by your post. I can get flight by increasing "muscle mass" in my wing but then you said that
Richard Lionheart wrote:having wings doesnt mean I have to take flight. Just that you would be grounded with no way of using them for flight.

and i dont understand that xD pls help me understand it a little.

http://vampiregod.jimdo.com/

10Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Thu Aug 03, 2017 10:57 am

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
You need to explain what actually changes in the buff, like do the wings get bigger do the muscles on them grow or the like but outside that it's good ^^

What I meant by that was just because you are a faunus with wings does not mean you have to have a flying semblance, you can be a faunus with wings and no flying semblance, but naturally without that semblance you will not be able to fly. So if your app was as it were before you could be a faunus with wings, you simply couldn't fly with them and your semblance would have been free to do the smoke stuff you described ^^ I just thought what I last read my have came across as "You have wings, you must have a flying semblance" when that's not the case if you don't want to fly ^^

11Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Thu Aug 03, 2017 11:02 am

Yuui_Otaka

Yuui_Otaka
ok done. Laughing

http://vampiregod.jimdo.com/

12Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Thu Aug 03, 2017 5:57 pm

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
Alright, last thing really (pending my final scans) is you need to state your faunus trait next to your race ^^ BUmp when done

13Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Mon Aug 07, 2017 1:30 pm

Yuui_Otaka

Yuui_Otaka
Bump Bump Bump >w< Laughing

http://vampiregod.jimdo.com/

14Yuui Otaka Empty Re: Yuui Otaka Tue Aug 08, 2017 1:06 pm

Richard Lionheart

Richard Lionheart
Approved

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